Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
