I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
