Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
