"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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