I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We're too hungover to prance.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
