i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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