Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's blow job season.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
