You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
