If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
