Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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