I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
