She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
