That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
