Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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