i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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