Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
