A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
