Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
