I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
