Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
