obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
