Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
