i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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