Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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