Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize