I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm always down for nudity.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
