We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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