i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
