he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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