she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
