Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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