i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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