I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Is it penis luge time yet?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
