Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
