Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
