Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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