Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
