no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
