I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Randomize
