I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
