dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
