Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
