We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
