yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
