I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
