Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
