Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
