Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
