I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
