Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
