While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
