it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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