you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
