your parents love me but you hate me
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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