Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Small penises have feelings too.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
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He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize