My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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