He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I still have a little drunk in my system
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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