I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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