why didn't you poke me back
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize