It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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