So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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