I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
