The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
