my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
