she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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