I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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