just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize