Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
